Magic

I am still on my school holiday, but go back next week. So I thought it was about time that I started to get myself sorted. This year I'm continuing with my hip and trendy job with the yoof, starting another job working with the yoof but in a more groovy and supportive type role, and also beginning my post-grad diploma in psychodynamic counselling.

So I was going through my diary and writing all the important wheres I need to be, and whens.

And gradually I became just a teensy bit panicked.

As I realised that nobody's holidays co-ordinate with anybody else's holidays which leaves me in a position of never having any holidays.

So I started to hoover.

As one does when one is feeling a little bit overwhelmed.

Obviously.

But all the stuff was still going round my head, about timings and fees and books I must read and visiting friends in different countries that I may never be able to do.

And then the doorbell rang. Or strictly speaking, the door made a knocking sound.

And something arrived that somehow has made everything just a little bit better.

I just feel that little bit more prepared.

Mmmm (it's back)

So I wanted it to be Jemaine Clement of Flight of the Conchords, but he's not terribly photogenic (or at least googling comes up with some right old shockers). So instead, please with all your heart and soul enjoy this.



I'd love to see his business socks.

*sigh*

Tentativity (which should be a word)

I am aware that I left you on somewhat of a cliffhanger. And then disappeared without so much as a tiny update.

Things are still very fragile, a bit wobbly and unsettled.

But the husband has not left.

And that is the most important thing.

It is hard, I am finding it hard (and so is he I think) to look at ourselves clearly and be honest. It is hard to keep a balance between strength and hurt. But we are trying.

He said he is not ready to stop trying yet.

Which is good.

I think.

(I am still secretly keeping my fingers crossed. A bit.)

Hoping

I am going back to the flat tomorrow.

By invitation.

(Albeit slightly grudging invitation.)

But invitation nonetheless.

Which is good.

I do not know what the future will hold.

I do know that I am weeing in my knickers.

Through nerves, you understand.

*closes eyes tightly and crosses fingers*

Wishes

I do not know how you are meant to write about relationships and heartache on the blogs. In fact I am pretty sure there is a rule against writing about relationships and heartache on the blogs.

But.

It is two o'clock in the morning and I am in a bed which in not my own, in a place which is not my home.

I am toying with the idea of driving to the place which is my home, sneaking undetected into my own bed, and sleeping there for an hour before waking up and driving back to this place.

This is the sort of thing that I think gutsy heroines would do. Heroines who wanted to win the one they love back. They would drive two hundred miles at two o'clock in the morning without a second thought.

They would creep in quietly to the flat they have been away from for over a week, and quietly hug their weird cat before slipping in next to their loved one. Then vanish before the sunrise.

I wish I were a gutsy heroine.

I wish I were at home.

I wish I were not waiting here in a bed which is not my own at two o'clock in the morning for my loved one to come to a decision. 

Waiting.

Unwanted melody.

"And tiiiiiime goes byyyyyy so sloooooowly..."

I'm in a situation boys and girls. A situation I don't want to be in one little tiny little bit.

And all I can do is wait.

It would be a lot easier if I didn't have the blooming Righteous Brothers insisting on keeping me company.

Platitudes

I swear, if my mother says "Never mind" one more time, I shall bite her nose off.

Memes galore

Life has gone a bit weird at the moment, so I am grateful to Cliff for tagging in a timely fashion, just when I was wondering how not to abandon my blog forever. I am leaning on memes, and that works for me. I do hope it works for you too.

1. My uncle once: went to school with Bill Oddie.

2. Never in my life: have I not stopped to gawp at puppies.

3. When I was five: I wouldn't wear trousers, only dresses.

4. High school was: mostly an unhappy experience.

5. I will never forget: crying so much when I got married that Eric the registrar said "Well done" every time I managed to get the words out.

6. Once I met: Sir Ian McKellan. But my sister met Brian Blessed and that is much better.

7. There’s this girl I know: actually, there are these two girls I know, they are my sisters and they are completely and utterly brilliant. But terribly short.

8. Once, at a bar: I fell asleep. Or cried. One of the two, and always in a bar. Shortly after eating crisps.

9. By noon, I’m usually: on my fourth cup of tea.

10. Last night: I considered leaving the country.

11. If only I had: known that it is okay to be who you are.

12. Next time I go to church: I will feel envious of the peace I find there.

13. What worries me most: is difficult to say because frankly I worry about everything from the fate of the tiger to how stupid my growing-out fringe looks and if I am going off raspberries in between.

14. When I turn my head left I see: Chloe my parents' dog snoozing on the sofa.

15. When I turn my head right I see: a wall.

16. You know I’m lying when: I smile all the way through speaking.

17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: being at primary school. I loved primary school.

18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: now is this what I am or what I would like to be (Beatrice)? And is it what I am at the moment (if I'm honest, probably nearing Ophelia) or what I am usually (more like Trinculo)?

19. By this time next year: I'll be a millionaire.

20. A better name for me would be: Gloria. I think Gloria would be a better name for most people.

21. I have a hard time understanding: maths. I am genuinely dysnumeric and do weird things with time in particular, often resulting in dramatic early/lateness.

22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: have more perspective about the whole thing.

23. You know I like you if: I pinch your bum.

24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: my husband.

25. Take my advice, never: take a balloon out of a home-made pinata until the whole thing is completely dry.

26. My ideal breakfast is: pineapple, then fresh bread and marmalade, with freshly squeezed orange juice and an endless supply of tea.

27. A song I love but do not have is: Do You Know The Way To San Jose by that singing lady whose name I can't remember and can't be bothered to google.

28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: bring some wellies.

29. Why won’t people: value nature more.

30. If you spend a night at my house: the freezer is really loud and might keep you awake. But the cat is brilliant.

31. I’d stop my wedding for: is too late. My wedding has been and gone. And Christian Slater didn't turn up. And neither did that Scottish bloke I quite fancied last night on Lost Land of the Jaguar.

32. The world could do without: women's magazines.

33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: sleep with Jeremy Vine.

34. My favourite blonde(s) is/are: I'm not really a fan of blondes but let's say Paul Bettany for sake of argument.

35. Paper clips are more useful than: napkin rings. Honestly, what's the blooming point in napkin rings?

36. If I do anything well it’s: listen.

37. I can’t help but: wriggle my toes in bed at night.

38. I usually cry: full stop.

39. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: laugh, cry, talk, love and do silly dances.

40. And by the way: this too will pass.

TAG! Bobo and Hullballoo and Anna please.

Trying to think of a meme pun and failing.

I love a good book meme. Oh I DO.

So. Bold for if you've read it, italics for if you mean to read it and brackets if you totally <3 it.

(This meme comes courtesy of Kat-esy.)(That was a rubbish pun.)

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 [The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien]
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 [Harry Potter series - JK Rowling]
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 [Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte]
8 [Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell]
9 [[[His Dark Materials - Philip Pulman]]]
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch-22 - Joseph Heller - Oh I would so like to read this, but I find it imediately weird and alienating. I have tried, how I have tried....
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 [Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks]
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 [The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald]
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 [The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams]
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis (but what about no.33?)
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 [Winnie-the-Pooh - AA Milne]
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 [One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez]
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 [Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery]
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 [The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood]
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Haroun and the Sea of Stories - Salman Rushdie proving he is not just, like, totally boring, man.
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 [Brave New World - Aldous Huxley]
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 [Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez]
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 [Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov]
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby-Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 [The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett]
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - A. S. Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert - Do you know, I ordered it from Amazon only last Thursday?
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 [The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton]
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 [The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery]
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks - I tried to read this. I found it weird. Too weird.
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams - I would never read this, I value my emotional stability too highly.
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 [Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl]
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

What surprises me, is how few of the classics I have read, and how little I appear to want to read them. I must be some kind of terrible philistine.

Tig tag for Caroline and Hullaballoo and frankly everyone, do it, do it, do it!