Saturday 29 December 2007

So.

I have been trying to decide whether to tell you all the things or none of them.

(I know this does not shed much light for you, but it is possible that I need to warm up to this.)

(Quite a lot.)

Things have been not only horrid but also hard and rubbish with a sprinkling of completely shit.

Dear readers, I was pregnant.

I am not any longer.

Through no decision or choice or action of my own.

Just nature.

Y'know.

It has been a strange few months.

Finding out I was we were having a mini-us was a bit of a surprise. You could say. And we panicked a bit and did not know what to do and thought of how poor we are and all the Things that are like big pointy barriers.

Then we thought, fuck it.

And also, hooray.

Then I was sick. A lot. Really loads. I cannot really explain how much I was sick. I am pretty sure, however, that you will get over the lack of explanation and possibly even be grateful for it.

We went home for Christmas. We told people. They were pleased.

Then we went for a scan.

"I'm afraid I can't see a heart beat," she said.

And that was that.

But with weeping.

So I have been in hospital having operations and fainting on commodes and listening to nurses telling me that I should sniff things that really noone should ever have to sniff.

And now I am back home.

Feeling a bit empty.

Being overly affectionate towards the weird cat.

And wondering.

Y'know.

At life.

But with weeping.

17 comments:

An Unreliable Witness said...

Weird cats are very good sources of affection at such times.

Thoughts are with you.

And they are good thoughts, and thoughts for the future ...

Anonymous said...

do take care, and thinking of you.

Anna Pickard said...

If odd cats help, my cats are turning into tiny mentals. I think they could help at this time, should you be about.

Again, much love to mrs and mr t.

xxx

Angela-la-la said...

Oh my poor darling woman {{J}}

Caroline said...

Oh sweetie.

This one I understand too much.
Hugs to you. I know the depth, the loss. My only advice is to keep talking, or to keep blogging and to accept that this pain won't go away overnight. And that it's ok that the pain won't go away overnight.

Life is a bit shitty, often.

Hugs and thoughts x

fiona said...

A big hug from me too, and a hope that 2008 brings you joy. You deserve the best of things, lovely Ticklish one. xx

Jon said...

Shit. Very sorry. I'm not going to try and woo you with words because they would mean nothing to you right now.

I've been through this myself and although it sound slike a cliche, things do get better, trust me.

Thinking of you.

Miss Tickle said...

Thank you everybody, for your kind words and thoughts. It is pretty hard and hurty. I am lucky to have such lovely dear readers. xxx

Michelle said...

God, so sorry to hear. I'm sending a big hug your way.

Hoping you feel better in the New Year.

Anonymous said...

I have no concept of how you must be feeling. I just hope that things will get better very soon.

Mr Farty said...

Oh. Oh dear. What a bummer.

Hope 2008 is better for you both.

x

Random Reflections said...

How very sad and what a difficult time this must be for you.

I hope 2008 has good things in store for you.

Peach said...

sorry to hear miss t - the missed missed is it called? not nice and not anyone's fault - just not nice, but worse.

cheery things are coming!

X

Cheerful One said...

Dear Miss Tickle,

I am very sad and sorry about your thing. I hope things will be less hard and hurty soon.

xx

Anonymous said...

I realise that my comment is horridly late but i send all my love and affection to you. I am very sorry to hear you are weepy. and hope that the funny face i'm pulling may make you smile just a small bit.

Loads of love

Rachel xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Anonymous said...

This happened to me a couple of times in 2002, and yes - it's a real fucker. I've been lucky enough to have a beautiful boy since then, and hopefully the same will happen for you one day. Or, you know, a beautiful girl.

Knowing it happens a lot is no comfort whatsoever - but maybe it helps to know that there are people who understand what you're both going through.

Miss Tickle said...

Hello Wendy. It does help knowing that other people have gone through it, and it was crazy the amount of people you suddenly find out have gone through it.

And it also helps knowing people who have had children afterwards.

One day...