Ritual
I wonder if crying an hour a week will help.
If setting a timer, an alarm, packaging a snippet of time to mourn purposefully.
Will help.
Because I have been trapped by patterns, by conditioning and echoes of generations that taught: Do Not Feel.
For God's sake, whatever you do, don't do that.
And no matter how much I thought I was conscious of the forces that shaped me, that I was my own person, that I had broken those shackles, still, at unbidden moments, the loss of a thing that never was threatens to flatten me with its force.
The moments are unbidden.
I have tried to flatten them.
I have worked and I have planned and I have travelled and I have emailed and I have created and I have edited and I have engaged and I have researched and I have written and I have done and done and done.
I have kept busy.
Just like the good girl was taught.
I am a good girl.
But.
Maybe I should set aside an hour a week to cry.
9 comments:
Whether for an hour a week or a whole week my shoulder is there for you, darling lady.
I know it's tough to go against conditioning but you really do need to take all the time you need.
Thank you lovely Angie. I think really what I'm doing is wondering what it means to take the time you need. One day at a time. I think.
Oh who bloody knows.
Yep, one day at a time. Until, one day, you don't need to cry that day.
xx
Well be it on your head. I've started feeling feelings and now look at me, SAD even when I'm happy! Blaaaaah!
Be Strong instead, it's much better (until the wheels come off your trolley, then it's crap obviously).
Oh well, back to feeling poopie feelings again.
I think you deserve to give yourself permission to do so if you want!
I'm sure it can't hurt every once in a while.
I am not sure a weekly arrangement necessarily works. I think a quota of 4 hours a month works best for me, to be used as and when it is needed.
Which is the same as saying a good cry never did anyone much harm. Apart from the dehydration. You have to watch out for that.
Don't be hard on yourself Miss T.
x
cry for 12 minutes and 8 seconds every third Tuesday at 12.47pm wherever you happen to be
{{{Miss Tickle}}}}}. I struggle with feeling sad too, like anger, it wasn't allowed when I was growing up.
Sometimes it takes just stopping, breathing and grounding to begin to feel you feelings. I only let mine out for 10 minutes at a time, then they go back in the box.
I have put you on my blogroll, by the way, because I love your blog and want to pop by more often.
H
xx
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