A cut above the rest.

So if, for example, one is doing some kind of supply teaching and is abandoned by the teacher without them explaining the disciplinary procedures.

If, let's say, one is in a primary school doing drama.

And if, let's conjecture, a child approaches you and claims another child has threatened to stab them with some scissors.

On examining the accused child, one finds them standing on a chair brandishing a pair of, indeed, scissors, waving them about over the heads of some other slightly less on-a-chair-scissors-brandishy children.

What exactly would you recommend in this sort of scenario?

Y'know, if it were to happen?

Morning

"Stupid cars," he says, "They're not even real."

He snuggles into my shoulder.

"They're virtual cars. So you don't need to worry."

"I see," I reply, smoothing down his sleep-rumpled hair.

"And what use is that toothbrush?" he mutters.

"Bloody Victorian chemists."

It is my birthday!

Shower me with birthday wishes!

I am not one of these "don't make a fuss" types. Make a fuss! A big fuss! I was born on this day some years ago! It is a cause for celebration!

The day thus far has brought a slightly concerning lack of enormous presents. I am aware, however, that there are still some hours left to go.

My hope continues to burn like a little bright birthday candle.

The sort that people blow out on birthday cakes.

When it is their birthday.

Like it is mine today!

Gosh, I do not know if I can cope with all the excitement.

Sheepish.

So.

I went all melodramatic on you.

Exciting wasn't it.

I've had a rough few weeks, uppy and downy and uppy again.

I will explain all.

But not yet.

If that's okay.

Suffice it to say that now I am at least back.

Mostly.

Able to write.

In as much as I ever was.

And, y'know, okay.

Just thought I'd let you know.

I am back!

Because today I received this email and I needed to share it with you.

I not entirely sure about the wisdom of sharing work-type (and especially school-based) emails, but frankly, bollocks.


PLEASE BE AWARE THAT THERE IS SUPPOSED TO BE A FIGHT AT BREAK WITH THE EMUS AND THE YEAR 8s. MIGHT BE RUBBISH BUT BEST BE AWARE.















It is so important for teachers to be down with the kids, don't you think?

I'm out in the cold snow not in a cosy tent. Yes.

Boys and girls.

I am having a mini-life-sort-of-a-problem.

I may be some time.

Thought I'd just let you know.

In the meantime, here is a mildly sarcastic notice from the South Bank of London.
















Do you see what they did there?

Back soon.

Things that have happened: 2

Lady things. Really annoying lady things. I am not un-self-aware and I have some compunction about sharing ickyness with others so I will not go into detail, but I cannot emphasise too clearly REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING.

I painted an ark.

I shouted at yoof.

I became addicted to, of all things, a computer game. When wandering the streets of Brighton I am now scrutinising everyone whose path I cross and considering if they are hungry, need to go to the toilet or could do with a slightly more pumping social life.

I bought a banjo. A banjo ukulele. For my father's 60th birthday. My father looks like John Peel crossed with a garden gnome. It is going to be brilliant.

That is all. Life has not been totally thrilling. Tomorrow I may cause some kind of public hoo-hah to keep me interested. Any ideas, as always, gratefully received and thoughtfully considered.